Craig's List Pissed Me Off

I am trolling these days through Craig's List ads for roommates.

And all I can say, ad placing people, is this:

Am I auditioning to be your ROOMMATE, or your $*((*$# GIRLFRIEND????

Oh, my God! "Hi, I'd like a personal clone of myself. Must be vegan/cat friendly (why in fuck's name do those two things always go together?)/gay friendly/George Bush friendly (those two things put together isn't something you see every day, eh?)/friendly to my mother-in-law Rosa/straight friendly/friendly to ugly orange shag carpeting/friendly to the aliens spinning in my head playing ABBA music.

HOLY BELLS OF GOD! HELL'S BELLS, PEOPLE! Am I renting a room in your house or what?

I can't take America's narcissism anymore. Just can't. There are people who would be happy just to eat tonight. What a bunch of brats we've turned into.

Yeah, I'm venting. It needed to be vented otherwise I'll go on a hunt for some vegetarians and force them to eat at a Bonanza. If only there were some Bonanzas left.

I wish you a vegan-free, cat-free day (now I'll get some responses...heh heh heh.)

Meat eating dog lovers, anyone?

DAMN, PEOPLE. DAMN!

Porta Potties From Hell, Vedder's Swell

Boys and girls! Ladies and leprauchans! We salute you!

It is scary how fast everything goes these days. This morning at Dunkin Donuts I ordered my usual cup of coffee (with cream) and my usual old-fashioned donut, taking note of the fact that before the order is even complete they are serving the person behind you. Ah, happy, slow-paced America. Maybe you have to go to the midwest to get any kind of s...l...o...w service. I dunno. Unless, of course, you are in Chicago. Not that you wanna wait forever...but you get my drift.

I amused myself by reading the paper, and then was doubly amused to look behind me at the Prudential building and to see a couple of suits sitting in an office, twiddling their thumbs. Too much financial information and no one to share it with! What a blazing pity! A sad day. These men looked as if they would only date women who had the fat content of a former Friends actress, preferably blonde-haired ones. Call her "trophy girl." Of course, society being as sexist as it is no one ever says, for example, "She's just not that into you." I now hate the author of that book, as well as Oprah Freaking Winfrey for having him on her show, because it's popping up in the Dear Amy column now. As in the one carried by major newspapers across our great land. GOD! LET US STOP THE MADNESS PEOPLE!! PULEEZE!!!! If I hear that phrase one more time I will personally challenge the author to a wrestling contest, sans the jello.

And I will win...heh, heh, heh.

In better, kinder news, my landlady returned with her daughter, who took the edge off her presence. I noted that her daughter avoided her mother for the entire evening, first watching TV, then taking a nap, then watching more TV. HMM. I WONDER WHY? I also was informed by the very nice librarian I talk to occasionally that she has had two run-ins with my landlady and will no longer serve her! Vindication! Education! Mutilation! Fabrication! Eddie Vedderadoration!

I just threw in that last one. Eddie Vedder and Pearl Jam are in the news these days. And God said, it was good...can't find a better man. Or tan. Or brand of jam. Or can of spam.

Hmm.

Well, before my brain flies out of my head and lands SPLAT on someone's front lawn (maybe on the front lawn of the old man I passed by this morning...very creepy, as he was pulling weeds and then, all of a sudden, I look behind me and he's there, walking...freaky!!!!) I must fly. I want to get away, I want to FLY away...yah, yah.

Be well, give hell.

The Me.